Things People Said

Posted on by May 28, 2015

     ….. in the courtroom.

The following quotations are taken from official court records, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

  • Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?”
  • Witness: “By death.”
  • Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
  • Lawyer: “What is your date of birth?”
  • Witness: “July 15th.”
  • Lawyer: “What year?”
  • Witness: “Every year.”
  • Lawyer: “This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?”
  • Witness: “Yes.”
  • Lawyer: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
  • Witness: “I forget.”
  • Lawyer: “You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?”
    • Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
    • Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
    • Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
    • Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
  • Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
    • Lawyer: “What happened then?”
    • Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.'”
    • Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
    • Lawyer: “So you were gone until you returned?”
    • Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”

    • Lawyer: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
    • Witness: “I went to Europe, sir.”
    • Lawyer: “And you took your new wife?”
    • Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
    • Witness: “That’s me.”
    • Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”
    • Lawyer: “And what did he do then?”
    • Witness: “He came home, and next morning he was dead.”
    • Lawyer: “So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?”
    • Lawyer: “Could you see him from where you were standing?”
    • Witness: “I could see his head.”
    • Lawyer: “And where was his head?”
    • Witness: “Just above his shoulders.”

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    What can I say?

    Snippets

    Posted on by May 28, 2015

     

    The ‘R’ word …. have you been talked into it? Great little story and some interesting thoughts at The Tall Poppy – 

    There was a man who lived by the side of the road and sold hot dogs.
    He was hard of hearing so he had no radio.He had trouble with his eyes so he read no newspapers.
    But he sold good hot dogs.He put up signs on the highway telling how good they were.
    He stood on the side of the road and cried; buy a hot dog, mister?
    And people bought.He increased his meat and bun orders.
    He bought a bigger stove to take care of his trade.
    He finally got his son home from college to help him out.
    But then something happened.
    His son said, “Father, haven’t you been listening to the radio?”
    “Haven’t you been reading the newspapers?”“There’s a big depression.”
    “The European situation is terrible. The domestic situation is worse.”
    Where upon the father thought, well, my son’s been to college, he reads the papers and he listens to the radio, and he ought to know.
    So the father cut down on his meat and bun orders, took down his advertising signs, and no longer bothered to stand out on the highway to sell his hot dogs.
    And his hot dog sales fell almost overnight.
    “You’re right, son” the father said to the boy,
    “We certainly are in the middle of a great depression”.

     

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    Kitchen Chemist? Some simple, natural, home remedies for clear skin, hair removal, soothing eyes, pretty feet …. and more at JOLIV’S Weblog 

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    Exploring online shopping directories? Jenny at Assential Scrapbookking has been exploring too has a few directories listed. She would love to hear from anyone who uses any other directories that has worked well for their business.

    A Change In Routine?

    Posted on by May 28, 2015

    Now wouldn’t something like this brighten up your day! Nothing like something out of the ordinary to zap a little energy into daily routines…..

    More than 200 dancers were performing their version of “Do Re Mi”, in the Central Station of Antwerp. with just 2 rehearsals they created this amazing stunt! Those 4 fantastic minutes started the 23 of march 2009, 08:00 AM. It is a promotion stunt for a Belgian television program, where they are looking for someone to play the leading role, in the musical of “The Sound of Music”.

    I’d love to come across something unusual like this. Although we probably shouldn’t rely on others to create a momentary ‘diversion’ to break any dreary, humdrum routine in our work/private life. We could easily create our own – it’s not hard and you don’t need to break into song in the middle of a busy station. But a few minutes of fun things or doing something out of the ordinary, out of character, every now & then is healthy …… just like a good laugh is seen as medicine for body and soul. You may seem a little ‘crazy’ for a few moments but you won’t end up in the ‘looney bin’ ………… See you at Flinders St Station 😉

    Mother’s Day Special

    Posted on by May 28, 2015

    The Mother’s Day special is up on my web site for the months of April and May.

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