Things People Said

     ….. in the courtroom.

The following quotations are taken from official court records, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

  • Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?”
  • Witness: “By death.”
  • Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
  • Lawyer: “What is your date of birth?”
  • Witness: “July 15th.”
  • Lawyer: “What year?”
  • Witness: “Every year.”
  • Lawyer: “This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all?”
  • Witness: “Yes.”
  • Lawyer: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
  • Witness: “I forget.”
  • Lawyer: “You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?”
    • Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
    • Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
    • Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
    • Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
  • Lawyer: “How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?”
    • Lawyer: “What happened then?”
    • Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.'”
    • Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
    • Witness: “No.”
    • Lawyer: “You were there until the time you left, is that true?”
    • Lawyer: “So you were gone until you returned?”
    • Lawyer: “Were you alone or by yourself?”

    • Lawyer: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
    • Witness: “I went to Europe, sir.”
    • Lawyer: “And you took your new wife?”
    • Lawyer: “I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.”
    • Witness: “That’s me.”
    • Lawyer: “Were you present when that picture was taken?”
    • Lawyer: “And what did he do then?”
    • Witness: “He came home, and next morning he was dead.”
    • Lawyer: “So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?”
    • Lawyer: “Could you see him from where you were standing?”
    • Witness: “I could see his head.”
    • Lawyer: “And where was his head?”
    • Witness: “Just above his shoulders.”


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    About Elena

    Mum to one teenage boy who has been homeschooled. I'm a decorative artist with a background in Interior Design. I love lots of colour, painting & generally being creative, all things beautiful, sunsets, beaches, sunny days, chocolate and bubbly.

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